Monday, 31 March 2008

• I cope on Four... and Rise on Five

      As life trudges on, I have lots of time to think.  Sometimes I dont though.  Actually... most of the time I dont.  Thats the conclusion I came to today.  I was at the Starbucks in the Vista, about to go on the floor to cover yet another shift that someone else in the greater columbia area "couldn't" cover.  Sitting in the pit, as I so lovingly deem it.  Looking out the giant window to the busy street outside.
      I finally let myself stop and think.  What else was I supposed to do anyways?  I was thirty minutes early to a store I didnt know or had any say in how they do operations.  I didnt have a book.  Didnt have my Zune.  So sitting and thinking was my only option.  It was what needed to happen. As I looked out into the busy street I saw people walking back and forth to jobs, taking a jog down the street, conversing about the weather, having a sip of coffee.  And I began to wonder.  Im not entirely sure why this question came to me, but it did none the less.  "How are they coping?"
      I began to wonder what it was that they ran to to ease the suffering of their lives.  Could it be friends?  Possibly.  Exercise? Maybe.  Work?  Definably for some.  TV?  Sports?  Music?  Reading?  All of these are valid answers.  They are plugs that people delve themselves into.  And they dive whole heartedly into them to one purpose.  To stop thinking.  But what is it that they dont want to think about?  Well thats obvious.  The loneliness.  The pain.  The anger.  The hurt.  The confusion. All of these coming from a common source.  The break, the divide that separates us from the God of the universe. 
      Introspectiveness took over at this point.  I began to ask myself poignant questions about what the crap I've been doing for the past month really.  Admittedly.  I have had close and intimate conversations with God.  Choices needed to be made and I wouldnt do that without the presence of God in my life.  But for the vast majority, I've done everything that every one else has done.  I've coped.  I've put a bandaid on a open wound.  I've tried to put gauze on a cut which was made by an axe, deep in my side.  I've tried and failed.
      I was distracted throughout all of work today.  Knowing what must be done.  I come home, to an operating table.  I come home to a Doctor, waiting for me.  And really, he has been waiting the entire time.  The Physician knew the work that had to be done.  And knew that it would only be more painful the longer I waited.  I come though, regardless to the pain that will come.  Healing alot of times takes pain.  The bone, has to be set.  The joint has to be put back correctly.  To get to the heart, you have to cut through skin, cartilage and bone.  But the pain I know to come, must be done. 
      Really what it comes down to is I beg God to do this work in me.  I desperately need it.  I desperately need him to heal me, work me, mold me into the man he wants me to be.  Because otherwise, I'll just find another plug.  And that only leads to more brokenness.
  
  

  • 5:46 PM
  • 14 Views
  • 4 eProps
  • 2 Comments